Not that the Miss Wasatch pageant up at the high school wouldn’t keep me awake but it’s only about four-hours off as I type this and, to be honest, I’d rather see them in competition troubleshooting tractor engines than all gussied up and strutting about the stage.
Plus, that would only give me 16 days to pork-up for the event in which my female friends always seem to get me entered, the “4-H/FFA Swine Weigh-In.” Actually, when I approach the scale, it’s more like when Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer, or Gary Player kick off the Masters golf tournament by hitting a ceremonial drive off the first tee. I’m more of a “swine emeritus” than a true competitor.
The 2013 Wasatch County Fair won’t really get underway until the Demolition Derby out at the rodeo grounds on the evening of July 27, but when the schedule comes out, it’s the two-weeks-earlier exhibition of female youth and pulchritude that always seems to get top billing.
Scuttlebutt has it that it’s anybody’s “smash-em-and-crash-em” down at the “Steelyard” on both the men’s side and the “Powder Puff” for this year’s Demo Derby. The big news, of course, is that annual favorite and ruler-of-the-roost among drivers of the female persuasion, my buddy Tasha Jeffs, does not have a derby-ready car this year.
That shouldn’t be a problem, however. Hell, all she’d have to do is keep her sassy “go ahead make my day” attitude red-lined and I doubt if she’d need one. Rumor has it that she once caused a ’68 Chrysler Imperial to drop its drivetrain simply by winking at it.
No doubt, with such user friendly amusements as the Carnival, the “Party in the Park,” the “Talent Find,” the “Pool Party,” and the “Battle of the Bands,” the rest of the Wasatch County Fair should play out in somewhat of a less confrontational style.
Speaking of which, since I was unable to weasel my way in as a judge this year, I plan on getting in line and picking up an entry wristband the night before the 4-H and Open Class Baked Goods exhibits go on display. This is what county fairs are all about: pies and cakes and cookies and sweetbreads and cheesecakes and well, you catch my drift.
Not that I would infiltrate the exhibit area with Tupperware and a ski mask, but if they have a security force on duty, I hope they’re ready to step up. The same might be said for the scheduled “pick-up” date for these aforementioned dessert-style exhibits.
“Whaddaya mean I don’t look like Maude Taft Benson? That’s my deep-dish Blueberry pie right over there. AND, if I’m not mistaken, that’s also my Strawberry Rhubarb right next to my Upside Down Apple! Don’t make me have to climb over the counter!”
The rodeo and fireworks evenings, which take place on the final weekend of the Fair, are, along with the Demolition Derby, the most well-attended events on the schedule and easily my favorite. Back when the Rodeo Arena was right across the street from my humble digs, it was a no-brainer to show up early for both every year.
My philosophy was that in order to truly “sense” the Fair, one had to “taste” the dirt being spewed from under the spinning tires of the screaming Demo Derby cars and “smell” the fear and anger of a rank Brahma bull attempting to climb the arena fence in order to wipe the smug smile off your face.
For the Demo Derbies, I would always select a seat low enough on the bleachers so that I felt close to the action but not so low that I couldn’t see over the log and dirt “berms” that would grow as the cars, with engines revving and wheels spinning, went about stalking and hunting down others of their breed.
At the rodeos, however, I would try to sit a bit higher but with a point-of-view that afforded a line-of-sight directly down the row of chute gates so that when they were jerked open you were privy to the opening moves of the various bucking stock.
Livestock exhibiting, of course, has always been part and parcel to County Fairs, what with the multitudes of 4-H/FFA members proudly competing for blue ribbons while showing off their beef and lambs before selling them at auction. Somehow, however, I was never able to generate a passion for this particular brand of animal husbandry that would equal my fervor for baked goods. Go figure!
So there you have it. The World Famous Wasatch County Fair Days runs from July 27 through August 3 at various venues around the Heber Valley with the Parade on August 3 on Main Street and the 4-H Horse Show on August 6 at the rodeo grounds. Check out www.co.wasatch.ut.us/fair for more information.
Jay Meehan is a culture junkie and has been an observer, participant, and chronicler of the Park City and Wasatch County social scenes for more than 40 years.