I 100% support Coach Kai Nielsen, who was recently suspended as the Park City High School head volleyball coach pending investigation over an alleged comment.

His varsity team is currently on track to win the state championship. I argue that the girls would not be in this position if not for his superb leadership and coaching. I hope that parents and student-athletes realize this fact, and stand up in his defense as I will here.

Kai is far too good for some of the pampered princesses that he tries in earnest to protect, train and teach. I am appalled but also not surprised that he is in trouble, given the case of tennis coach Lani Wilcox, who was attacked by one of her athletes and then sued by the wealthy parents and put through the wringer by the district for more than a year. People clearly sided with the coach (I donated to her GoFundMe defense) as they should in Kai’s case.

But old-school coaches do not always connect with the princesses in this bubble — girls who have not learned the lessons of accountability or respect for their elders, or who do not appreciate the life advice and discussions led by their coaches.

For a single comment now, a parent and her princess could likely destroy the stellar career of a phenomenal man and coach, all because they were “offended.” Yikes. Better to learn from the man. And for them to take this issue directly to the district and even The New York Post instead of first confronting the coach?

My family has known Kai since 2017. when our daughter began playing for Club V and the high school. We never missed matches, home or away. We grew especially close to Kai when he and his wife suffered the loss of a child. Likely his players never even knew as he agonized but kept on coaching.

Kai’s passion is volleyball, both as a prior D1 player and as a coach for many years, the last 10 at Park City High School. He even started the first-ever boys team in the district. Kai is principled, ethical and professional. He shows no favoritism. If the best player misses practice, that player will not start, even against the fiercest rival. Black and white. You meet the standards set or you suffer the consequences, extra burpees perhaps.

Those girls who work hard and rise to meet the standards are highly prized and rewarded. Those who don’t complain and try to get the coach punished or fired. Tribal, as Thomas Cooke described in his recent guest editorial. I must admit to chuckling reading Cooke’s “red flags,” most of which I’d heard 45 years ago from my coaches while playing sports. Miracle that I turned out. But back then people had a sense of humor, and coaches saying idiotic things were considered a sign of affection and commitment, and as motivators. Those comments oftentimes kept the girls and boys in check and trying.

The Park City High School volleyball teams are modeled after Club V, a highly competitive, nationally ranked program. Many student-athletes go on to compete at the D1-D3 levels in college. Coaches maximize talent and potential, but also develop the whole person. For some girls, the coaches are father figures who even help them with their homework. Kai would do anything for his student-athletes within boundaries.   

The following diatribe does not apply to all the great parents, teachers, and student-athletes out there!

While we were in the volleyball program, over half of our players came from broken families. There were prima donnas, and definite tension between girls. Some did very poorly academically. Few parents helped out the team. Members of the varsity squad angered cheerleaders to the point they would no longer cheer for them. One player’s mom was clearly intoxicated and screamed vulgarities at the cheerleaders in front of the other team and parents. She was ejected from the gym and school. It is no wonder teams from around the state don’t like Park City.

In other words, the Park City volleyball teams are not easy to coach and can be toxic. However, Kai, and Matt before him, did their best and are part of the village.   

This is a reflection of our weak society and new age “parenting.” Never say no. Be friends. Buy them things. Don’t set curfews. Never know their friends or where they are or what they are doing. Be oblivious. Don’t ground or punish them. Blame “the village” if your child doesn’t turn out and expect that same village to provide them with life skills and morals. Prioritize that mountain bike ride or spa day over attending your child’s event. Hold parties with underaged drinking. Let them drive wild on e-bikes and egg houses. Be offended and be victims. Don’t monitor their social media. Pinky, no problem. Let’s sweep those things under the rug, blame the school district, file a lawsuit, and get some more money.

Perhaps Kai said something inappropriate or had a really bad day. But maybe he wanted to stir some controversy and get the girls talking and debating and thinking about how their own actions could lead to a bad situation and something they might regret down the line. A simple lesson on accountability that went awry.

Teachers and administrators do and say things all the time that are inappropriate. They are rarely caught or disciplined and never, ever fired. I hope the district extends the same latitude and respect to Coach Nielsen.

I don’t want the pampered princesses to prevail. Kai’s life’s work has been all about helping those same girls. But I secretly hope that Kai leaves and goes elsewhere to coach teams/student-athletes that will appreciate him. He deserves better.

I ran this letter past my dear friend who has coached girl’s high school softball for 40+ years in Wisconsin, and who is a 2019 inductee into the USA Softball Hall of Fame. He advised me not to change a word.

This written by an “old school” parent, volleyball and swimming mom who had “old school” parents, coaches and teachers growing up. But if I were an old-school coach in Park City, I’d find another place. You will not be supported here in the bubble. Pampered princesses (and princes, for that matter) and their parents have way too much power and sway.

Lisa Wall is a Pinebrook resident.

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