Acting without first thinking is too common. It is called reacting. It leads to unintended negative consequences. Problems are needlessly created or exacerbated. In this state, you are driven by emotion rather than logic. Anger, jealousy, bitterness, hurt, fear, and distrust are some of the feelings which bypass rational thought.

Thinking after acting makes as much sense as a carpenter who cuts first and then measures. Once cut, a board cannot be made longer. Actions, once taken, can’t be undone. 

Thinking before acting is responding. This is where your behavior is well thought out and planned. Just because someone else acts does not compel you to react. Thinking puts reason before emotion.

Without a consciously thought-out response, you revert to a knee jerk reaction. This is your default automatic behavior. What do you say or do when upset, frustrated, or angry? It’s common to become trapped in the same patterns of reactive behavior.  Other people will pick up on this and use it to manipulate you.

Since emotions cloud your ability for clear thinking, take time to calm down whenever you are upset. Acting in haste bypasses the thinking stage.Rarely is there a pressing need to act immediately.

Once you are calm, you are in a position to begin assessing your situation. Start by answering a few questions. What happened? Does it really matter? Do you need to respond at all? What are you trying to accomplish? The objective answers stimulate your thinking process.

Not only do you want to formulate an appropriate strategy for your response, you also need to keep things in perspective. “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” should always be kept in mind. Many circumstances, which at first seem upsetting, are insignificant when compared to the big picture of your life. Let them go.

When action is necessary, keep your objective in mind. Know what it is you are looking to accomplish. Consider all of the options available to you. Identify the pros and cons for each option. Objectivity is essential. It may be helpful bouncing your thoughts off a neutral person you trust.

Before deciding on your response, make sure you gather all of the facts directly from the source. Using second- or third-hand information as a basis for your decisions is a faulty strategy which leads to erroneous conclusions. Realizing a short-term gain at a long-term expense is self-defeating. 

Take care not to burn bridges if possible. You never know what circumstances and people you will encounter in the future. Well thought out action is more likely to solve problems and preserve relationships than an emotionally fueled reaction.

Actions have consequences. Think things through from different perspectives. What impact will your actions have on the various people and situations involved? Are you acting in your best interest or is there some desire for retribution? Your actions should improve your circumstances, not make them worse.

Before deciding on a course of action, run the options through “what if scenarios.”  This approach forces you to consider all of the various cause and effect relationships. You want to anticipate what impact your action will have so you are not caught by surprise. How will other people react? What action will they take? What are the benefits and liabilities to you?

A well thought out response gives you the best chance of taking appropriate action which yields the desired results. Use these suggestions to help you think before you act.

Golden is the author of “Dare to Live Without Limits.”  Contact him at Bryan@columnist.com or visit www.DareToLiveWithoutLimits.com 

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The way you treat others offers a window into the type of person you are. Your interaction with people whose job it is to serve you reflects on your character and offers a glimpse into the way they will react to you.

When you behave in a condescending manner, you are sure to elicit a negative reaction. Immediately, the person you are talking down to will be put off, even if they don’t show it. You will squelch any inclination for the other person to go out of their way to help you. At most, they will do no more than the bare minimum necessary to keep you mollified.

Corporate CEOs like to observe how job candidates treat waiters. These corporate captains have found that how a prospective employee treats a waiter offers a clear picture of the type of person he or she is. 

Someone who is polite to you but discourteous to a waiter does not have desirable interpersonal skills. They tend to be abrasive, causing friction among coworkers and subordinates.

Your treatment of waiters isn’t just significant in business settings. A survey by a dating service discovered that being rude to waiters tops the list as the worst dining etiquette. It is a real turnoff to be in the company of someone who is meanspirited.

Anyone can treat a waiter well when there are no mishaps or mess-ups. The real indication of a person’s true nature is how they react when there are problems. 

What do they do when a waiter makes a mistake or their meal is not what they had hoped for? Do they get indignant, make a scene, and jump down the waiter’s throat?  Or are they gracious and magnanimous? 

No one likes to be berated when they make a mistake. Some waiters are better than others. Some are more conscientious. 

You can’t manage their behavior, but you do control yours. If you can’t handle a problem when you are eating out, how can you be depended on to handle life’s real predicaments?

People who are rude to waiters erroneously believe they are displaying power and authority. They mistakenly think their behavior will impress others. Anyone who attempts to elevate their status by stepping on others will ultimately fall flat on their face.

People with integrity and character treat everyone with courtesy and respect regardless of their occupation, financial or social status. They don’t view themselves as being above or below anyone else.

The way you treat people determines to a large part how they treat you. Not everyone will respond to kindness and consideration. But everyone will react negatively to berating. Your best bet for bringing out the best in people is to treat them with respect.

If you expect the worst from people, your attitude will project this and your low expectations will usually be met. 

If you anticipate the best, people tend to try to live up to those expectations so as not to disappoint you.

People crave approval and recognition. If you start out rejecting someone, they will feel there is no chance to please you and won’t even try. 

However, when you say please, thank you, and can you help me, others will make an extra effort to accommodate you.

Treat waiters, and everyone you encounter, with dignity. In so doing, your relationships with people, even strangers, will improve. 

You will still find some individuals you just can’t deal with. But they will be much more of an exception. You can never go wrong by treating another person well.

Bryan Golden is the author of “Dare to Live Without Limits.” Contact him at Bryan@columnist.com or visit www.DareToLiveWithoutLimits.com 

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